A Guide to Hitting North Mallorca With Kids – Part 1

I didn’t know too much about Mallorca before I went. I knew that Magaluf was there and I had my concerns that the whole island would be riddled with pissed-up school-leavers on banana boats. My fears were unfounded. We stayed on the northern tip of the island where life is less frenetic. And largely inaccessible to banana boats.

If you are in this area and inflatable fruit is your floatable boat then my advice is to head to Port de Pollença where ranks of ginormous pineapples and watermelons dangle from the shopfronts on the promenade. There was a pleasant low thrum of activity here and for some reason it reminded me of Eastbourne, probably because of the many veteran-class English holidaymakers. It seems they’ve been coming here a while. Agatha Christie returned here on several occasions and set one of her short stories in the bay. Presumably the victim was battered to death with a large inflatable cucumber.

We ate at the Hotel Capri on the front. Like many of the restaurants in the port, the Capri stretches over the road and out into the ocean via a small pier. The waiting staff scurry back and forward to serve diners sitting at the end. There are no barriers in the space so if you have toddlers it may not be conducive to a relaxing meal. There’s little way of getting face down in a paella if your child is taking a nosedive into the Med.

Further down from the Capri, is the largest, most ornate sandcastle I’ve seen. There are two burly men stationed at its gates, presumably to ward off any vandals. Judging by the twitching feet and naughty twinkle in my sons’ eyes the precaution is probably very sensible.

If you want to destroy your own sandcastles, the best beach we found was around the bay on the Cap de Formentor. The beach is only around twenty yards deep or so your children can indulge in some light paddling or castle-construction within a skip of a sun lounger. The downside is that the beach is so compact that it is very congested. To ensure ourselves a space we booked a bed through the Hotel Formentor, which has a private section of beach. It wasn’t cheap it has to be said. The beds also come with those Balinese beach shelters which sort of feels like relaxing under the end of a broom.

The drive to the beach is worth the trip alone. The road snakes around the peninsula like a varicose vein and gives splendid views of the plunging coastline. You can pretend you’re James Bond pratting about in an Aston Martin, except there are confused goats and puffing portly cyclists in the way. We had great fun encouraging the struggling bikers up to the summit, some of whom appeared to be going backwards. For some reason Mallorca attracts bike-fanatics. Probably more to do with the strikingly wide cycle lanes rather than the searing heat.

We stayed in a villa slightly inland where the mosquitoes seemed to have gathered for some kind of mosquito conference. I apparently seem to be attractive to mosquitoes, more so than women for instance. I got bitten all over. I have to admire the spirit of adventure that led one little chap up into the darkness of my bum crack. I read afterwards that mosquitoes bite you using six needles, each with various functions like a drill-bit set. And while they suck your blood they piss on you at the same time.

So my suggestion would be take some repellent.

The rest of my north Mallorca thoughts are coming over next week. They got lost on Ryanair.

Any good?