I’ve had a revolutionary thought about potty-training. That it is possible to potty-train your child without a potty.
When I say potty-training I mean in the general sense of easing the transition from nappy to toilet. I don’t mean instructing your child to crouch over an imaginary potty and letting it crap on the floor. To be honest I don’t think it’s radical enough to stop the potty production lines whirring, but anyway. My technique requires a few bits of kit, preferably a toilet on every floor of your home and perhaps most elusively, a willing and capable child.
It is no coincidence that I have only had this revelation with my second son. He has observed the behaviour of his older brother, noting his methods with the keen eye of a UN weapons inspector. This is with a view to learning them and ultimately replicating them. It includes traipsing in after him to the toilet and making mental memoranda of his processes. From time to time I’ve also spotted him looking up at me when I’m about my business in there, which tends to focus the mind on keeping my aim true.
The potty is designed to counter at least three major shortcomings of the toilet in catering for those of smallish stature. First the toilet seat is too wide for a small bum, a child would simply find themselves wedged halfway down the bowl. This issue is resolved with the introduction of a specific child seat installed on the existing fittings. Our one is padded and printed with images of Thomas the Tank Engine and his pals. I feel certain this is exactly the use the Reverend W. Awdry had in mind when he penned his literary legacy.
The second problem is that the toilet is inaccessible; to ascend to its height requires a deal of clambering, which again can lead to a plunge down the bowl. We’ve found a seat that comes with a miniature step-ladder. The Minor loves this, I think because it gives a ceremonial quality to his toilet visits. It may also seed a very early ambition to be a tennis umpire. Or a lifeguard. In fact, perhaps he can oversee his brother in the adjacent bath: no diving, no bombing and no heavy petting.
Finally the potty is light and mobile. I’ll admit this is where the toilet falls down in comparison. Which is why a toilet within perhaps the range of a five seconds’ dash is desirable. But the key advantage of the toilet is the flush, and its capacity to remove waste immediately. The potty demands that its contents are dealt with and then its insides cleansed and disinfected.
Fortunately for us, the Minor has largely snubbed the potty in favour of the toilet. His technique is already pretty polished thanks to the insight gained from watching his brother at work. It has to be said that he does like to wash his hands first as opposed to afterwards for some reason. But it’s a start.